What To Do When Our Dreams Die?

Hi Friends! 👋

A few weeks ago, a group of our friends gathered for a trip (mainly to show our wives our appreciation and celebrate how special they are). Besides all the joy in seeing each other and our little ones getting to play, this was the first time in ages that us parents had actually spent a few days of quality time together, so it was great to catch up. Fortunately, my wife decided to bring along We're Not Really Strangers so we really got to catch up and also catch some feelings... If you haven't played this game, consider it group therapy.

In a nutshell, all players run through three levels of intense Q&A, with the questions evoking vulnerability from the game's participants. Keeping an intimate group typically improves the experience.

• Level 1: Perception

• Level 2: Connection

• Level 3: Reflection

Having played the game a few times previously, I was ready to let my guard down, really connect with everyone on a deeper level, and maybe shed a tear or two (I tend to be the first crier). What I didn't expect to be asked was this question:

This one threw me for a loop. My mind immediately took me back to my childhood, where I felt a sense of nostalgia all over again mixed with sprinkles of sadness. Hours, days, years of working toward this dream with many memories, some broken bones, and what felt like a broken heart quickly returned like it was yesterday. What felt like minutes of re-experiencing my past was probably only a few seconds. Giving the answer was easy for me; I blurted... "Basketball"... sigh 😅. For the record, my explanation to follow was probably as brief as my initial answer.

Actually explaining myself proved to be difficult in that moment, where I was absorbed by a feeling of wistfulness, a newly introduced word to me by my wife 🤓. Explained more clearly, here is the feeling of wistfulness as defined by ChatGPT.

As I thought about this more, maybe the way the question was phrased led me to this feeling. But also... maybe it just took more processing on my end to realize that this really wasn't sad at all. So, I took liberties with re-wording the question in an effort to do more self-reflection, and voila:

What to do when our dreams die? 🤔

...Turns out, any way this question is asked, it is likely that the person giving the answer is bound to have initial feelings of sadness arise, however big or small they may be. But after digging deeper, what this question really did for me was help uncover happiness. The dream I had for basketball was just what I was focused on and had built my life around for that moment in time. In fact, living that dream built my character, while letting it go was the best decision of my life. Sticking to the sport would have likely led me along a solo journey, chasing this passion across oceans to keep the dream alive, only to never find true happiness.

The real truth is that not choosing that dream has allowed me to experience so much more. I've been happily married to my high school sweetheart and known her for more than half of my life. Our family is growing with two boys (our first dog 🐾 and our first son 👶🏻). Professionally, I have been lucky enough to also feel accomplished with a sense of fulfillment. So, all in all, changing my lens from loss to abundance flipped the question on its head.

As kids, we are all asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Looking back, it's impossible to know if what we enjoyed then will be what we enjoy now. There are simply too many variables; people change and grow, and with that, so do our needs and wants. So, if you have gone through this or are going through a similar experience, maybe additional questions can help uncover what will make you happy.

Questions for deeper discovery can ask:

• Will I be happy if I let this dream go?

• What dreams will I pursue in place of the one I am losing?

• Which dream makes the most sense for me to live a fulfilled life?

Alternatively, your heart may know best and help make the decision for you, as mine did in guiding me all those years ago. With whatever tool you use during this process, just know that through making hard decisions, there is growth and that there is no wrong decision if you believe it was right for you.

🔊 QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. -Langston Hughes

👨🏼‍💻 INTERESTING

• Game | Were Not Really Strangers

• Parent Corner | Great tip to building confidence and positivity in your kids

• Music | Study Playlist - for those who may work in a loud environment and need to focus, this one definitely does the trick!

Thank you for reading, and I'll see you all back here next week! 👋

B